Yankee Hatin’: Part Deux

I apologize for the recent lack of activity. I’m having computer issues, Computerso dealing with that, plus my occasionally infrequent access to a working machine has made things tough. Hopefully, it’ll become less of a problem as I count down the days until I get mine back. Good times.

Anyway…

Note to Torre:

If you wanna see how effective your new potluck dinner lineup can be, you might consider debuting it on a day Kevin Brown isn’t pitching. Just thinking out loud here. (On the plus side, though, Brown has managed to inch his era up to 8.25. When it hits a perfect 10, I believe he earns enough points for a free latte at a Midtown Starbucks). Latte_1

(Note: This could just as easily be a cappucino photo. I didn’t do any research)

That said, as goofy as a lineup featuring Womack in left sounds, for the problems that team’s having, I say they still didn’t take it far enough.  If they’re looking to shake things up, then seriously, go hog wild. I say, take things a few steps past “odd” straight into a territory I like to refer to as “batty.” Let’s go to town and be creative. Therefore, here are some adjustments I think would fit the game plan perfectly, all of which involve New York luminaries:

Mo_vaughn Sign Mo Vaughn at his old Mets salary: Cashman and Steinbrenner want to stand behind their game plan of overpaying names? Then put your money where your mouths reside, fellas. If this philosophy really works so well, then they’re can’t be a better missing link on the planet than this future center fielder (As long as we’re going nutty, let’s go NUTTY).

Let Stephon Marbury lead off: This Bomber squad is slow, needs scoring and a player the kids can identify with. Coney Island’s finest fits the bill on all three counts. This speedster Marburywill be more obsessed with putting points on the board than the team could ever possibly hope for. Sure, it’ll be a change of pace dealing with an overpaid, all-name lineup after spending a season with the Knicks, but he’ll make the necessary adjustments.

The new Co-skip: P.Diddy. Torre’s got credentials out the Yin Yang, no doubt. But each year he’s getting more quantity (of dollars) than quality (of players), and it’s finally hit a standstill. He’s in over his head when it comes to making flash from cash. In the meantime, Mr. Diddy has gone from guiding the genuinely talented (Biggie) to the marginally serviceable (Mase) to currently being best known as a Hamptons party ringmaster. Pdiddy_party_1 It’s the same trajectory as Torre, but Puffy manages to make it work. If anyone knows how to live off a name (like the Yanks are attempting) it’s this guy. Give him a $5,000 pinstripe suit and a spot in the dugout.

The other new Co-Skip: Martin Scorsese. He loves NY and inexplicably seems destined to never win an Oscar. A World Series ring would probably make him feel a little better. He’s also fallen in love lately with sweeping, epic, period sagas. (A style change I’m not digging, but that’s for another blog. The results aren’t awful, but let’s just say I seriously miss Goodfellas). Nonetheless, oversized style will fit in well with the new project he’d be helming.

Utility Man Extraordinaire, Jason Alexander: The Yankees were great when George Costanza George was working in the front office, and Alexander can’t keep a sitcom on the air. They need each other. Desperately. Let him play a little RF, pinch run, or just wash batting helmets.  Just reunite this combo ASAP before the Yankees go 50-112 and we end up with a sitcom based on Skip Bayless. As much as I’d love to watch the former, I seriously can’t handle the latter.   

Finally… Batting 5th, DH Randy Johnson: Yeah, he can’t pitch with that nasty groin. And he’s pissed. Seriously pissed. Let him take a few cuts. A couple are leaving the park, guaranteed. All kidding aside, how much less could he produce than Giambi?

How does unbridled genius flow so naturally for some and not others, yet those with no flow always end up running things while those whose cup runneth over have no outlets? I don’t know. Such is the curse of my life.

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3 comments

  1. richsteel@yahoo.com

    Typical of a bigot. No mention of the team you are supposed to be routing for (the Cardinals that migrate south in the series) Well, enjoy your May as much as you can, because Haters never end up happy at the end of the season!

  2. Andrew

    I have to say, Rich, that while I welcome any and all criticism of my baseball opinion or who I root for, I take exception to being referred to as a “bigot,” even if that’s just your word for “hater.” They are entirely separate mentalities that don’t even belong in the same sentence for comparison. I imagine you didn’t mean to infer that I’m actually racist or prejudice, but in the future, you may want to rethink your jargon.

    That said, I appreciate you reading the blog and welcome any future comments. I hope you’re enjoying it as well.

    Andrew Kamenetzky

  3. rudegirl480@yahoo.com

    Pure genius, Andrew. Love the line-up! And the English lesson for Rich. Rich, welcome to third grade…

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